eHarmony runs a contest every year for the best success story of the year. We have always meant to enter. We finally did it. This is our story as written by Chad.
Embodiment of Perfection:The Match of Dixie and Chad Willwerth “Will I ever find the right person for me?” We’ve all been at a point in our lives where the answer to that question seems to be impossibly, “No.” That’s certainly where Dixie Tremblay and Chad Willwerth each found themselves in January, 2004. Both of us had had what felt like far more than our fair share of dysfunctional relationships. As though our lives were one big scavenger hunt, it didn’t seem to matter where we looked for that special person who embodied our ideals. Each relationship seemed to end horribly, many worse than anyone should have to experience.
Growing Up Dixie Growing up in a small logging town near the timber-rich foothills of the Cascade Mountains in Washington State, Dixie’s relationships started as well as anyone’s relationships, but after several months her partners would inevitably start yelling at her for no apparent reason, ridiculing her and teasing her. Physical abuse was never an issue, but the verbal attacks felt just as bad.After leaving her hometown, her life improved, but love was still elusive. Shortly after graduating from college, Dixie had been dragged to nightclub after nightclub by friends with the best of intentions, but the men that would hit on this 4’ 11” cutie were not exactly serious when it came to relationships. Though she loved to go dancing, it quickly became clear that nightclubs were not going to yield a long-lasting healthy relationship. As the Internet became more and more commonplace, Dixie found herself spending time in AOL chat rooms, and posting personal ads on Match.com, Yahoo, and other locations. Men would contact Dixie and appear to pursue her, but after a few dates they would start to stand her up. The men inhabiting other web sites were obviously not looking for relationships. After a couple of years, Dixie began to lose hope in finding her prince. In January, 2004, she found eHarmony. She had decided this was her last attempt at finding love over the Internet.
The Trials and Tribulations of ChadMeanwhile, from the mid-1990s to the early 2000s, Chad found himself in a relationship that had started out well, but slowly began to degrade. The problem was that the deterioration was so slow Chad didn’t realize the extent to which his relationship was breaking down. As time went on, Chad’s partner slowly started to manipulate and control him in subtle, almost undetectable ways. Prior to his relationship, Chad had been an avid collector of leather-bound literary classic books and had amassed over 150 titles. As his partner began her control of his life, he found that new additions to his collection that he ordered were being returned to the sender without him ever seeing the book or knowing it had arrived. Even the purchase of something as commonplace as a DVD player was strictly forbidden. Over the course of 7 years, a once cheerful, energetic, optimistic young man fresh out of college withered into a submissive victim of financial abuse. In the ultimate act of manipulation, Chad’s partner convinced him to invest $80,000 in her small business even though she secretly had no intention of returning any money to him even once the business became a city-wide success with multiple stores. Life for Chad was dismal.Eventually, Chad became aware of the scope and magnitude of the change in his life that had been effected by his partner. But leaving relationships, even when you’re a victim, isn’t always easy. When Chad finally ended the relationship, he was left bewildered at how significantly he had changed from the dynamic person he was years before. It became clear that to restore his cheery, positive personality was going to require a grueling and lengthy journey of self-discovery.Like a trek to the summit of a mountain, this journey would need a support team to aid the traveler along the way. This special person would be exposed to the most private of thoughts. Chad needed to find the embodiment of a soul-mate—someone that would understand his struggles, and would be patient with him.Chad placed personal profiles on a myriad of dating websites, went dancing at nightclubs and casinos, sang karaoke, volunteered at the zoo, and joined groups that participated in local events like sightseeing or hiking in the mountains. Even though he put himself into many different situations where he was bound to find someone with similar interests, the people Chad found were superficial. Several were interested in him, but ultimately their façade would crumble. Rebuilding his continual optimism that a perfect match did exist for him somewhere, Chad opened his profile on eHarmony. It was the first week of January, 2004.
IntroductionsFor the first few days, there were no matches. Then on January 8, 2004, the first of many potential matches showed up for Chad. The profile had two photos. The first one showed a woman with short blond hair flipped out at the bottom dancing in a red dress with a floral print reminiscent of an Asian design. She was looking to the side laughing hard making it hard to get a good look at her. The second one was of the same woman this time with short red hair wearing a black and white-striped long sleeve shirt sitting on a mauve couch in front of a light blue wall looking up at the camera. Now that Chad could see all of her face, it was obvious she was immensely attractive.When Dixie logged into her profile on eHarmony on January 8, 2004, she was greeted with a profile of a man with very short hair and a beard grinning from ear to ear…with a green and red wild parrot sitting on his head! Dixie was Chad’s first match, and Chad was the first person Dixie met in person. Was it destiny? Luck? The scientific process employed by eHarmony? It doesn’t matter how we were matched. We were perfect for each other on levels far deeper than eHarmony had even asked about.
Building a New Life TogetherAs we began dating, the number of common interests or similarities in our lives became startling. Years before we ever met, we lived and worked about half a mile from each other. For one of our earliest dates, Chad expressed interest in driving into the valley near us and visiting a bulb farm. It was March, and the valley was filled with acres and acres of daffodils and tulips of every color imaginable. This happened to be the very bulb farm where Dixie had worked one year when she was growing up. Chad and Dixie each independently grew up as aficionados of musical theatre, with Chad performing throughout high school and in singing groups in college. It a very nice surprise when Dixie learned that Chad had been a subscriber to the two primary theatres in Seattle for many years prior to us meeting. 16 months before meeting Dixie, Chad had started executing on his childhood dreams. A believer of lifelong learning, Chad had earned his SCUBA certification and private helicopter license. When Chad and Dixie met, Chad was in a lull between educational experiences. The next two items on his list were either getting back into playing the piano or learning sign language. In one of the more profound similarities, Dixie has been hard of hearing since she was born and had earned her Master’s Degree in Deaf Education. When Chad enrolled in American Sign Language 101, Dixie was shocked and amazed at his interest at learning about other cultures and his compassion for understanding the difficulties she faces in her daily life. It was the compassion she had been looking for all her life. All of the horrific relationships we had endured in the past had prepared us for our life together. When Chad would be invited out to dinner with a group of co-workers, he would nervously call Dixie to ask permission certain that he would be denied. After all, in his previous long-term relationship his availability was often controlled by his partner. Dixie would gently offer words of support telling him, “You can do what you want to do. You don’t need my permission. I trust you.” This was exactly the type of support he needed to regain his self-confidence as he rebuilt his personality. If Chad’s voice ever started to show that he was frustrated, Dixie would calmly and softly tell him that she understood he was frustrated, but to keep a careful eye on his tone of voice. Chad quickly became cognizant of how words can wound, and how communicating openly and honestly lead to strong, loving relationships that establish both people as equal partners.
A Proposal Up In the AirAfter a year of dating, it was obvious that both of us wanted to get married. On July 4th, 2005, Chad rented a helicopter and took Dixie along on his flight. Unbeknownst to her, Chad had arranged for Dixie’s family to wait at a private grass airstrip with a 7’ x 40’ sign that said simply, “Marry Me?” As they flew over Chad casually said, “Hey, look at that!” pointing to the sign 1,000 feet below out Dixie’s side of the helicopter.“That’s neat,” Dixie said plainly, certain that it was intended for someone else. As she turned her head back in Chad’s direction, she saw him holding a large Ring Pop candy ring while piloting the helicopter. Baffled, she took the Ring Pop and started laughing. “I can’t believe he’s teasing me with someone else’s sign,” she thought to herself. She was so confused she didn’t hear Chad actually proposing to her. As they came into land, she realized that the small group of people standing around the sign was her family—her parents, older sister and husband and her brother. Then it sank in. This was for real! On August 14, 2005, we were married.
A New AdditionTwo lives marred by challenges and immense failures in the world of relationships came together on eHarmony.com on January 8, 2004 when Dixie and Chad were matched by eHarmony. What emerged was a beautiful bouquet of a relationship based on trust, communication, equal partnership, mutual support, and most important of all, love. We have been married for 28 months, and are expecting our first child in June, 2008. May she be blessed with the love and support on which our marriage thrives. “Will I ever find the right person for me?” We didn’t just find the right person. We found the perfect relationship. And it’s all thanks to eHarmony.
